Saturday, April 18, 2009

Humor Me

The Blog

Every once in awhile I read something funny and decide I need to try to write something like that. Mary Roach's essays in Reader's Digest are always make me laugh while being so on point. Dave Barry's silliness borders on genius, if that's possible. So even though I don't consider myself a funny person, here's my attempt.

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Fitted sheets fall in that category of things I need but really don’t like, like vacuum bags. I mean, I’m glad I don’t have to use flat sheets on the bottom. I really am. My husband freely admits he sleeps like a tornado and I know a flat sheet would get whisked away in the storm and end up in a tangled heap on the floor—every morning. Fitted sheets help batten down the hatches, so to speak.

Still. Fitted sheets are sneaky. They nab innocent co-tumblers in the dryer and deposit them into their corner pockets, where the unfortunates slowly twist in, constricted and hidden until the dryer dings. When I pull out the sheet all the weight bulges from the bottom like a water balloon. The sheet takes about ten minutes to untie, which reveals a bath towel, three socks, and an orange pair of boxers, all still wet.

Fitted sheets are also mean. For example, they hate getting folded. Every week I promise myself this time I’ll do it right and dutifully match corner pocket to corner pocket, fold, smooth, match corner pockets again, fold…smooth…and…what the heck, I roll it into a glorified wad and hide it under the much-more-cooperative fitted sheet already nestled in the laundry basket.

As I’m sure anyone knows who has tried going one-on-one, fitted sheets also hate getting put on the bed. Sure, they act sweet as the first corner slips over the mattress, but just try the others. Slip on the next corner and the first one pops off. Lay spread-eagled on a king-sized bed, hold one corner down with your foot and try flipping the next corner into place. Both hold for two seconds. Then one pops off.

They're extortionists, really, holding me captive to their whim in exchange for keeping the tornado at bay.

The Etymology: Humor

From Latin "umor," body fluid, "Humor" first appeared in the English language around 1340 with the same meaning. It didn't acquire the connotation of funniness until 1682.


The PHP (Personal History Prompt)--Pick one question or many:

What is your sense of humor like? Quirky? Literal? How has humor helped you in your life? Have you learned over time to use humor to diffuse tension or stress? Any specific stories?

And what is one of the funniest things that has happened to you in your life?

The Book: Brave Potatoes, by Toby Speed and Barry Root

We discovered this book in the library several years ago, and I should have just bought it because we keep checking it out. It tells a rhythmic, almost rhyming, goofy story about potatoes who get kidnapped from the state fair by a chef who needs them for soup. Very fun.

3 comments:

Valerie Ipson said...

I loved your essay on the fitted sheet. Really funny! Is there some "Laundry Digest" you could submit that to?!!!

AnnK said...

One Funny Experience: In the 50s, when girls wore many starched slips to lift their skirts, I had a horrifying experience, which now seems rather funny. I was visiting in the foyer of Church with some of my teenage girlfriends, when all of a sudden the elastic waistband of one of my slips snapped. There was my slip on the floor in a heaped ring around my feet! My mind froze. All I could think to do was demand that my friends form a circle around me and "slither" to the ladies' room. What a sight we must have been.

Deirdra Eden-Coppel said...

I love your site and as I browsed your blog I decided to award you the Beautiful Mommy Writer Award.
Go to http://astorybookworld.blogspot.com/p/awards.html and pick up your award.
~Deirdra